make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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