Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
