I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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