Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
