There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
