Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
