Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
