it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
