I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
