if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
