forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
