Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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