Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
