I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
