dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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