It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
