Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
