i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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