I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
