no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
