why didn't you poke me back
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
