so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
