Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
