what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize