Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
