Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
