I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
