I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
