I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
