At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
