4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
