Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
