I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
