I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
