who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
