We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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