I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What drink are we having for lunch?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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