Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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