Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
