recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
