I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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