that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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