that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
