paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
