So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
