I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
