im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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