An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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