who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it penis luge time yet?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
