The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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