glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize