Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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