My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
