I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
