I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
