Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Farmville is her only friend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
