shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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