Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
