i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Randomize
