hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
