oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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