Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
