for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
