bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
