She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
