You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
