I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
