what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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