sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
