at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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