are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
