What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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