I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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