You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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