It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
