I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
