yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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