Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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