I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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