You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A+ Viking dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
